Absent again. Yep. I didn’t lie early when I said he’d be late. I totally believed that his 4-days absent run was coming to an end, and he’d be in school today by 11AM, but nope. Not happening. Please excuse him for being absent for almost a full 1/3 of fourth grade. I bought him a Happy Meal last night when he pinky promised that he’d come to school today, but when I got him up at 10, he said he couldn’t possibly shower because he felt weird and dizzy, and then he (rather carefully) fell to the floor in between the crap that’s all over because we’re packing and had the strangest seizure I’ve ever seen before becoming completely unconscious.
I’m not an MD kind of doctor, but I feel liked I’ve earned some diagnostic creds having watched all but one season of Grey’s Anatomy (Izzie got on my last nerve) and most of ER (Eric LaSalle…mmmm) before that. Plus, I spend a lot of time on WebMD. So, this seizure was weird because he didn’t froth at the mouth or shake a lot, and I was not even a little tempted to toss a Xanax in his mouth. He just sorted of gagged and snorfled and then had a coughing fit, and when I tried to walk away I think I heard, “You don’t even care if I’m dying.” No one on television playing a seizure patient has ever tried to passive-aggressively manipulate anyone in the midst of it, so you’ll understand my skepticism.
He’s still laying there, too. I poked at him with my foot a few minutes ago, and he felt warm, and one of his eyes opened briefly, so I suspect that this is a stunt to try to get me to go the store and buy some snacks. We had an epic battle about that for most of 3 hours yesterday, which I won because I didn’t go to the store for chips and soda and soup like he wanted. I went to McDonald’s. And yes, before you get judgy, those are the very same pajamas he’s been wearing since Sunday, and yes, they are crusted with snot and food and whatever he’s coughing up, and they smell like the sneakers he wore on the stupid creek walk you made them do in second grade after they’d sat on the patio in the sun for a month because he wouldn’t let me throw them out, and no, I don’t care about any of it because I have lost parenting. I concede. I can’t even make him bathe let alone come to school. Could someone please pick him and his stuff up and revoke my mom license? I am clearly not cut out for this.
Also, not to be bitchy, but I’m feeling kind of neglected. Not only do I not have whiskey or explosives, all you ever say to me is “Thank You.” Yesterday, was 50 days absent from school. Do I not merit a call or a visit from the truant police or a floral arrangement? I need more from you. I need support and a little empathy once in a while.Would it kill you to ask how I feel? You’re my best friend. You’re practically my co-parent. Drunk Chris treats me better than this. Or he used to. Even he’s abandoned me now that I told him we’re moving. At least I have Fries and McFlurry.
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