Yesterday started like any other snow day, with sleeping late, pajamas and lots of good food, and it was all fine until I decided to clear out my inbox and found this note from Murphy’s school band teacher:
“With spring just around the corner, the students in band, chorus, and orchestra are working very hard to prepare for the VFES Spring Concert! The concert will be held on Wednesday, May 10, 2017. There will be a morning performance for the school at 10:00 AM, as well as a performance in the evening for families and friends at 7:00PM.
Due to the large amount of student participation this year, the evening concert will be held at Valley Forge Middle School. More information about the concert will be sent out as the concert date approaches. We are looking forward to sharing our music with you!”
Me (curious): Did you know there are going to be two band performances, and one is at night, at the middle school for all of the people everyone knows? For your band solo?
Murphy (visibly upset): No! What? Wait? No!
Murphy (reads through, then visibly perturbed): We should move. Now. Or you have to let me stay home. I am not doing that!!!!!
Me (attempting to teach him responsibility and do that parenting thing): You committed to this. They’re counting on you. You have to do it.
Murphy (in a panic): No, they are not. I don’t even go to practice. I lost my glock somewhere in the school building. I haven’t seen it in weeks. Who in their right mind is counting on me to do do this??????
Me (still trying): You must have agreed. I’ll call. I’m sure they know where the instrument is. You just need to practice.
Murphy (outraged): Are you listening? No. I’m not going to be on a stage the middle school. I want to be in witness relocation. I am not going.
Me (backing away slowly): That’s not how witness relocation works. You have to see a crime and have your life threatened if you testify. Or something. Try watching Law and Order instead of YouTube.
Murphy (thinking): So I just need to commit a crime? Or get someone to commit a crime while I watch?
Me (conceding for the moment): Okay, we’ll just move far away. Sometime before May 10. Anywhere in particular you want to go? Does it have to be a place without schools or just without bands?