10, home from school by a scheduling calendar accident and observing my frantic, expletive-filled search for stray paperwork while making himself Cheerios: You are totally losing your shirt, your know? It’s gone.
Me, channeling his super-talented neuropsychologist: *explains that my logical brain, my heart and my body put my worry brain on trial and asked it hard questions about what I’m doing today, and when worry brain lost in court, it locked my logical brain, my hopeful, helpful, positive feelings and my ability to keep myself from feeling sick in a small soundproof room deep in my head and that now it’s throwing a HUGE loud party with fear, doom and gloom in the rest of my head and heart because worry brain is a very sore loser and an asshole*
10: So don’t do it. Sometimes worry brain is there to keep you safe.
Me: From jumping out of airplanes or playing in traffic or doing drugs, sure. That’s why you put it on trial and challenge it. Those times it’s right and wins. But sometimes it’s wrong and it loses. They hate losing. Especially powerful worry brains like mine and yours. Total jerks. They’ll do anything to not have to sit down and shut up.
10: So how do you stop it?
Me: By saying “Fork you, worry brain!” And then deciding to be brave. *we’ve been watching The Good Place*
10: But isn’t brave one of the feelings it locked in the room with logical brain?
Me: Nope. BRAVE is always a decision; it’s never a feeling. Nobody ever FEELS brave. Nothing would ever get done if we waited to feel it. You DECIDE to be brave. Sometimes it’s a quick, almost instant decision. Sometimes it takes some time. But BRAVE is always choice. And it is worry brain’s kryptonite. Glennon says so, and I believe her.
10: *thinking about this as I find the last of the papers*
And so today I’m doing something that’s been over a decade in play. I’m taking a shot at my Goliath. Denae and Martha will totally get it. Deanna, Nichole, Michelene, Mari, Jeffrey and everyone else I’ve whispered about it to will be there with me in spirit. It could be a one and done simple thing (let’s hope). It could be opening salvo to the start of a war. Whatever it is, I’ve decided to be brave.
And to keep praying for a tragic farm accident in RI, involving a quick, painless death. In the meantime, we’ll be in Chester.