I Am The Kraken - Page 3 of 15

Hurricane Brain In The Florida Keys After Irma

Posted on November 1, 2017

Hurricane Brain. Post-Catastrophe Stress Disorder? Post-Natural-Disaster Stress Disorder? Whatever you want to call what happens in the aftermath of it all, it’s real. And for those of us in the Florida Keys, it’s a daily battle with it, even as life tries to right itself and the tourists return. It’s been 52 days since Hurricane Irma swept through Florida, reminding everyone that Mother Nature can be ferocious and leaving many of us in the hardest-hit areas like the Florida Keys with what I’ve been calling “hurricane brain.” To understand the after, you have to understand the before. Bear with me a minute? Everyone in Florida was watching Irma by Labor Day. In the Florida Keys, where July and August were dry, hot and lazy, we had been watching Irma since it was a wee little thunderstorm off the coast of Africa. We saw what Harvey did to Houston, and we

10 Things to Know: Key West After Hurricane Irma

Posted on October 10, 2017

10 Things to “Know Before You Go” to Key West After Hurricane Irma Visitors are starting to trickle back into Key West after Hurricane Irma swept through the islands just one month ago. The boil water alerts are over, and we’re no longer joking about building fires with pieces of driftwood from smashed boats and adding in the tears of the homeless because there’s no electric and no one’s brought a tarp for the roof. Mostly, people have cable back, at least a good part of the time. It’s getting better, and as we’ve been told, Key West is open now. The TDC (Tourist Development Council) is pouring millions into ad campaigns to draw folks back and make it seem like nothing happened (it happened, what you see on tv now and what you see when you get here will be worlds of difference). Local businesses are working around the

Carriel La Seur, the Bryn Mawr Honor Code & Stalking

Posted on September 2, 2017

The only real thing I share with Carrie La Seur, attorney, author, and stalker-of-mine, is an alma mater. Both of us went to Bryn Mawr College. I’m not sure if we were there at the same time or not. I certainly didn’t know her at the time. I’m kind of sorry about that because if I had, I would not be still, all this time later, dealing with her. I’d have run for the hills at the sound of her name. I’ve written a couple of times about being stalked and about how it’s terrifying and how the sense of being watched constantly and never knowing when the stalker is going to snap and actually do you or your family physical harm (not discounting the tremendous emotional and financial harm already done) keeps you awake at night and leaves you shaking in crowds and constantly on edge. Stalkers are sick, fucked up people.

Tweens Will Kill You AKA Don’t Buy An Urn

Posted on August 29, 2017

I’m not actually sure what this is about, but maybe if I write it down, it will become clear to me (and you). If nothing else, it’s pretty funny. Also, tweens will kill you. A few weeks ago I had a brief run in with a woman who lives in our development, which made me a bit reluctant to send Murph to school next door to where I work. Talk about blessings in disguise? Given my reticence and after an unfortunate first impression when we went to “meet the teachers” at said public school, I was fully prepared to cave and give in to Murph’s most vociferous long-term goal of home schooling. My hair was still standing on end from the experience at the elementary school when I got the call that there was a space at St. Mary’s, the small Catholic school on the island. So instead of giving

Campus Deaths Impact All of Us

Posted on August 27, 2017

Campus deaths are not something that we like to think about. Having someone die at college is not something families wonder about on tours or that parents consider when they are saying goodbye as they drop their children off at the start of a semester. It isn’t something that the people who work on college campuses like to think about, either. I don’t. I’d much rather write how-to guides and what-to-do-when pieces when I write about college life and how to do it (and save money). We look at our vibrant, talented, and sometimes mischievous students and see bright futures, hope, and potential. But there are campus deaths. Faculty and staff sometimes pass, and students do die while they are in college, and when they do, it impacts everyone on campus, whether we knew the student or not. Last Monday night, I attended a memorial for a college student. He,

At Work: Why Women Earn Less Than Men

Posted on August 25, 2017

I had four conversations this week with women of different ages, different experience levels in different fields with different problems, though all were related to what they are earning. It made me want to scream. Now, I’m thinking about the wage gap that exists and how women are, at least in part, responsible for it. Let’s assume, for the sake of argument, that most smart and educated people are at least aware of the data that supports the statement that women earn about .79 to every dollar earned by a man. Moreover, there are many reasons, both obvious and more nuanced, that women earn less than men. It is a problem, and I am not arguing against that. However, some of the reasons are not so subtle. Some of them are because of the ways women themselves think, act and talk about money and getting paid. Woman #1 is a

Key West Snorkeling: Sebago Water Adventures

Posted on August 18, 2017

Many of you on FB know that this week marked a milestone birthday for me. I don’t necessarily handle any birthdays well, and I am self-aware enough to know this, and the Circle of 5 knows this, and so while they tried to figure out how to help me not crawl into my shell and hide (on the last milestone birthday, I hid for two speaks and spoke to no one but Murph, who was 23 months old), I tried to figure out how to die to prevent the inevitable day. I mean, I guess packing up and moving to Key West and figuring out the whole rooster conundrum wasn’t enough of a midlife crisis. Murph, who had been Coral Camp at Reef Relief to learn about Key West snorkeling and reefs and aquaculture a bunch of times, suggested we go with Sebago (he’s been out on all of the big

Key West Dining: Island Thyme Subs

Posted on August 8, 2017

We were heading out to Sandbar Sunday when I made the executive decision to give Island Thyme Subs a try. A co-worker, during the starvation week between food vendors here, told me to go try the Bahn Mi or the Chimi because she said they were fabulous, but things had come up, and I didn’t get there. I had already sent a couple of friends as spies because I don’t think one shot at being amazing is very fair, and we all have an off day, and I’d hate to not do a review because I didn’t like something that’s usually spectacular. Plus, I told them not to tell me anything lest my opinion be colored. Finally, I promised myself that I would not hold the whole “subs” thing against them just because they don’t understand that they are making hoagies. I will not lie. A sandwich shop in

Blow Jobs, Tinder and Why I Don’t Date

Posted on August 2, 2017

Yeah, I tried Tinder again. What can I say? It had been like six months. I’m in a new zip code, and I thought, what the hell? And yet again, I’m left wondering about that age-old question: What is it about men and blow jobs? Is that all they really want? I think it is. End of the day? If they could give themselves blow jobs, there would be no Tinder. There would be no birth control, no abortion debate, no issues about reproduction at all because they would cease to acknowledge women exist once we stopped breastfeeding them. Bob the Billionaire, a dubious member of my Circle of 5 who should have married me back when he had the chance but didn’t and so lingers on, living my quixotic, or chaotic, life vicariously from the sidelines, says there is a never-ending supply of unsatisfied middle-aged women who need sex and

Funny Product Reviews: You Need a Pet Fountain

Posted on July 28, 2017

In the interest of full disclosure, I need to tell you that I got my Petsafe Drinkwell Platinum Pet Fountain on the Key West Yard Sale page on Facebook. For free. With an extra pack of 10 filters. And a cleaning kit. About a week after we moved here. The guy said his dog “just didn’t take to it.” Probably, that should have been a clue. It wasn’t. It looks innocuous enough, right? Kind of sleek and snooty. Like something some pampered Main Line cats who were yanked from their swanky address and dumped on a desert island would enjoy? Oh, wait, we’re in Key West, and they’re not abused and are in much nicer digs than they were. Y’all know about Dark Lord Cheeto and Crowned Prince Nedward, right? Cheeto is hell bent on world domination, and ever since he survived the Great Ludo Massacre, he thinks he’s immortal. Remember when he

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Hurricane Brain In The Florida Keys After Irma

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Carriel La Seur, the Bryn Mawr Honor Code & Stalking

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Tweens Will Kill You AKA Don’t Buy An Urn

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Campus Deaths Impact All of Us

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At Work: Why Women Earn Less Than Men

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Key West Snorkeling: Sebago Water Adventures

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Key West Dining: Island Thyme Subs

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Blow Jobs, Tinder and Why I Don’t Date

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Funny Product Reviews: You Need a Pet Fountain

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