Funny Product Reviews: 5 Reasons To Love Baby Foot

Funny Product Review? About some pedicure peel called Baby Foot? A pedicure that you do at home? You’re reviewing a pedicure that will make my feet peel? Yes, you read that right. I just can’t do a traditional one. I don’t have it in me. I’m not sales-y. And I won’t do one for something I really don’t like. So maybe this is the best of both worlds?

Caution: this post will contain a few affiliate links. Another Caution: in my entire blogging career, I’ve earned $4.02 from affiliate marketing, so you probably don’t need to worry about me trying to sell you anything or you wanting to buy it and just enjoy the funny stuff.

The first time I used Baby Foot was right before the July 4th holiday in 2015. How do I remember this so vividly? My feet started peeling in the pool at my mother’s condo at the beach in Margate, NJ. It was both gruesome and awesome, and it added that special sauce to my patriotic pedicure and everyone else’s holiday.

That was the start of the entire year I wore flip flops (yes, even through the bone-chilling winter in the Philadelphia suburbs near Valley Forge, and yes, even while my neighbors were offering to buy me “real” shoes). I was on a yoga crusade because I was hell bent on winning a yoga contest at the time, and I just never knew when I was going to need to do a sun salutation or rest in downward dog or flip myself upside down.

It was great for the mind and body, but it took its toll on my feet. Also, I won third prize.

Never in the history of exercise has anyone worked so hard for a purenergy ceramic water bottle. It’s sitting in my office because it’s the only trophy I’ve won in recent or distant memory.

And so I became an avid user of Baby Foot. In fact, I am pretty much never without it in the box of beauty supplies, especially now that I am once again in flip flops all of the time because we moved to the Island of Misfit Toys aka Key West, where shoes are optional everywhere, and flip flops with embellishments are considered dressy.

Baby Foot says, about itself:

Baby Foot is an innovative foot care product that will make your feet as smooth and soft as a baby’s foot. The unique formula of 17 types of natural extracts allow your feet to exfoliate naturally leaving them highly moisturized. This effective and gentle process removes the unwanted dead skin cells that have built up layer after layer. In addition, Baby Foot can improve other foot issues like: Foot Odor, Athletes Foot and Blood Circulation. So say goodbye to rough, dry, cracked soles, by using a product that really works! In the past, frequent use of foot files and razors were used to “remove” the dead skin on your feet. However, this was a temporary fix because as we now know from recent research, filing generates more friction to the soles of your feet which in turn creates more dead skin.  No more filing with the use of our Baby Foot product. Baby Foot is an unparalleled, total foot care package that provides you with the opportunity to care for and maintain your feet at home. Dead skin cells will start to peel between 3 – 7 days after your initial application. Do not forcibly remove the dead skin cells when peeling begins. It will exfoliate gently and naturally. In some instances the skin may become dry until the peeling begins. Should this occur, moisturize lightly and sparingly with an oil-free beauty care product. Peeling time may vary from person to person and can take up to 2 weeks to complete.

Sounds good? It is good. There are thousands of reviews for it on Amazon. And here are the 5 reasons you should try Baby Foot because there’s nothing not to love.

1) Natural Ingredients 

It has 17 types of natural extracts. And natural ingredients are mostly awesome and very important, right? I mean, beyond just the fact that we can pronounce most of the natural ones. I don’t know if the 17 are organic, but I think probably not because then this would cost $1125 rather than just around $25. Plus, it’s much safer than having the fish nibble at your feet at an expensive salon. The even better news is that it contains a slew of non-natural ingredients, which I suspect are the active ones that cause the shedding of the skin (like glycolic acid), so it really does work.  See? Best of both worlds.

Ingredients:  Aqua(Water), Alcohol, Isopropyl Alcohol, Lactic Acid, Glycolic Acid, Arginine, Parfum, Butylene Glycol, Peg-60 Hydrogenetad Castor Oil, Glucose, O-Cymen-5-Ol, Citric Acid, Malic Acid (Apple), Citrus Aurantium Dulcis(Orange) Peel Oil, Citrus Grandis(Grapefruit)Peel Oil, Dipotassium Glycyrrhizate, Cymbopogon Schoenanthus Oil(Camel Grass), Nasturtium Officinale Extract(Watercress), Arctium Lappa Root Extract(Burdock Root), Saponaria Officinalis Leaf Extract (Soapwort), Hedera Helix(Ivy) Extract, Salvia Officinalis (Sage)Leaf Extract, Citrus (Lemon) Fruit Extract, Clematis Vitalba Leaf Extract(Clematis), Spiraea Ulmaria Extract (Meadowsweet), Equisetum Arvense Extract (Horsetail Herb), Fucus Vesiculosus Extract (Bladderwrack), Chamomilla Recutita (Matricaria) Flower Extract(Chamomile), Camellia Sinensis Leaf Extract (Tea Plant), Houttuynia Cordata Extract (Chameleon), Phenoxyethanol, Hydroxyethylcellulose, Salicylic Acid, Sodium Nitrate, Glyoxal, Disodium Phosphate, Linalool, Limonene

2) A Day to Yourself

In my opinion, the packaging leaves out a few important steps. Like you need to get a few people to tell you that your feet look terrible before you start. Don’t take any chances here. Say things like, “Don’t my feet look dry and cracked?” as you hold your foot out to your significant other. Ask your child to touch the bottom of your foot, and say, “Doesn’t that feel rough like sand?” Exclaim to your co-workers that you are in dire need of a pedicure. Let it be known far and wide that people think your feet need help. This is an important step, and it will come in handy later. To do this right, and to use this right, is a long process. Like an entire afternoon. If you want to maximize the benefits of this amazing product,  you are looking at a solid 3 1/2 hours, longer if you choose to really drag it out.

• Pre-Soak: 60 minutes. This is actually a very important part of the process.  I usually take my toenail polish off first and fuss with any stray cuticles and so on. You don’t have to; the product doesn’t harm a pedicure. I just prefer it. Then I put my feet into some warmish water with some soap. The last time I did this, I used these amazing Lavender Epsom Salts that I’d bought to soothe Murphy’s aching muscles, and I found it very relaxing. Remember, the longer you soak them, the more effective the actual Baby Foot will be. I think. Not sure. Maybe I made that up, but it seems right.  It’s how I do it. During this time, your family and pets will probably leave you alone, but if they don’t, you can just say that your feet are soaking so no, you are not going grocery shopping or you’ll have to get yourself a drink or find your other shoe yourself or make your own damned lunch because your feet will be wet, and that’s a slip and fall waiting to happen.
• Using Baby Foot:  90 minutes. The booties full of goo are a little weird the first time you use them. They don’t fit perfectly, but they give you tape to keep them on your feet. They also advise you to put socks on, so you can walk around more safely. That’s just ridiculous. What? Are you going to slip these booties on, put on some UGGs or some gigantic socks and go to the store or drive your kid to soccer? No, you are not. You are going to put your plastic-encased feet up on a pillow and binge watch The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt or whatever else it is that you want to do. Read a book. Read my blog. Color. Put on headphones and listen to music or a book on tape because by now, your family and pets are going to be annoyed and demanding that you get up and do stuff. But you cannot. Because you can’t walk in the booties.

• After-Soak:  30 minutes. After you’ve removed your precious tootsies from the Baby Foot baggies, you will want to soak them again for about a half hour. Be sure you get all of the “natural” ingredients off of your feet lest you end up with a third-degree chemical burn that you have to explain to ER docs who will consider the whole story somewhat dubious. When your now very pissed off SO and children demand that you help them put something together or find their favorite shorts or take them to the mall, remind them that they told you that your feet look awful. See? It’s all their fault. Plan ahead. Always helps.
• Re-Paint Your Toes:  30 minutes. Well, you cannot go out with unpainted toes, right? I’d suggest something that will match peeling and shedding or a color with some reference to a snake in it like OPI’s Charmed by a Snake or Essie’s Snake, Rattle and Roll.

I like to use it on Sundays because those are the days when people expect you to do things for them, and this is the perfect excuse to do none of those things.  And if you really can’t pull this off at home, I’m pretty sure that if you work in your own office, you could do it there under your desk. You could always tell your boss that you are doing what your podiatrist and co-workers advised, and that you are doing it at your desk because you did not want to miss a day and risk putting them team behind. Let her thank you and accept your explanation with grace.

3)  The Peeling is EPIC

Like I said, this is really good stuff, and it really does work to get rid of your callouses and old, dead foot skin. Also, when the peeling starts (for me, it’s usually around Day 5), it will freak out your friends and coworkers and endlessly entertain a tween. Mine likes to say I’m shedding. The peeling is even more intense if you swim regularly or soak your feet every couple of days. It can actually last up to 21 days, but mine is usually done after about 14. While the peeling is happening, I like to use a lightweight moisturizer on my feet at night to nourish the new skin. I do it at night, though, because if you do it in the morning, and then put on flip flops, it’s kind of like a Slip N Slide, and you might end up falling and breaking something. Not that I’ve ever been that silly. It’s just a hypothetical precaution. Another plus is that your mani/pedi person will love you. Do you think she likes to get out that razor/scraper/scrubber thing and work on your heels? No, no she does not. She’s sick of your gnarly soles, and she’s tired of you being afraid she’s going to cut open your foot and trying to actually not do that to your slippery appendage. Also, see where I’m going with this? This crap is like a vacation full of “you time” because what else can you do when you’re soaking your feet beside read that novel that you’ve been wanting to finish or finally see how the riot ends in Orange Is The New Black? And don’t these demanding people want you to have pretty feet?

4)  Dead Skin is a Tasty and Nutritious Treat for Pets

Actually, I have no idea about its nutritional value, but both my cats and my parrot went berserk scavenging for dead skin all over the floor the last time I did this. It was kind of creepy with the conure because she’s pretty committed to her pellets and fresh fruit and table food. It merely confirmed for met that the cats are, indeed, just waiting for us to die so that they can eat our bodies. Seeing your otherwise friendly orange tabby walk around with a big strip of your heel skin in his teeth, growling at the other pets while he chomps on it is a little unsettling. And while we’re on the topic of the crazy amount of skin that will be falling off of your feet? Don’t commit a crime that would involve the collection and analysis of DNA evidence for at least a month after you use Baby Foot. Seriously. The skin will be everywhere you go.

5) Interesting New Job Offers and Career Opportunities

The last time I did this was again right before the Fourth of July, and I posted a photo on Instagram, most because I wanted to show off my cool new Wonder Woman Havaianas (sold out pretty much everywhere but Ebay at this point).

Within minutes, there was this happened…

At this juncture, I made the mistake of asking Google “What is a crusher video?” And THIS came up. And THIS. And those are kinda scary, folks. So I went to Wikipedia and learned THIS. It’s a whole fetish. There is a lot of weird out there I did know existed. It’s not exactly the direction I’d planned to take Kraken Videos, but hey, who am I to judge? Also, while I am not willing to do any harm to an animal, for $75 I am totally willing to stomp on a photo of someone I don’t know on Smathers or Higgs Beach. They’re both close, and they’re both free, and this town is a big old freak show, so dollars to donuts, I would not be the only one out there grinding photos into the sand with baby soft feet.

And if those are not good enough reason for you to give it a try, perhaps nothing will convince you. I have to admit, I was a skeptic at first, but I have been won over. Also, I am kind of obsessed about trying it on my hands every since reading this article in Vogue.  I can’t figure out the timing there, though. I mean, I can carve out the time for the soaking and the baggies and all. But at what point can I let the skin on my hands peel off in sheets? There is never a two-week break where I could go with no one seeing my shedding. And, um, tropics. So gloves or mittens would prolly be worse. But I’m going to do it. And I’ll let you know when I do!

These are some things I love.  What’s on your wish list?

*I am a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for me to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Please see Affiliate Disclaimer page for details. I will never, ever recommend a product I haven’t tried or wouldn’t buy for myself. Also, to date, I’ve 0.49 cents with Amazon, which got eaten by fees, so I’m not very good at this!

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