Please excuse his absence. Again. It feels so weird to be pouring my heart out to an anonymous attendance dropbox that auto-replies “thank you.” But, okay. It is slightly better than responses I get when I try online dating. So he’s not going to be in school today. He’s got a massive headache and a sore throat, and he doesn’t think his neck can support his head much longer because it weighs a million thousand pounds (yay Singapore Math – is that even a number). It started last night, which means I didn’t get any sleep because in my bleary-eyed, questionable-decision-making state I thought it would be easier to stay awake than try to wake up if we needed to do another middle of the night ER visit. I called his doctor this morning, and the nurse, hand to God, said that he probably caught something from spending the other night in the ER. Oh, the irony. But they don’t want to see him unless his fever rises to 105 or he stops breathing. Yeah, she said that, too. I think she’s having a very Monday Monday. Also, she’s my new favorite nurse, and I’m going to write a letter to CHOP telling them how awesome she is. The spawn’s too weak to do anything but lay in bed and watch other people play video games on YouTube, and he is sure that his heavy head is going to snap off and kill him. I’m keeping a bucket close to catch it in the event he has any medical intuition at all. I’ve given him some Tylenol, and I made him some Campbell’s Chicken Noodle soup, which he declared too hot, then too salty, then cold, and then he spilled it all over the bed. I’m waiting for the police to come to get me because of all of the screaming and cursing that happened in the ensuing efforts to clean it up. Surely a neighbor called, and I’ll get at least one or two peaceful nights in the county lockup before they sort it out and send me back to this prison.