Absent note #35:
He’s not dead but swears he’s close. Excuse him, don’t excuse him, I don’t care, nothing matters anymore. He claims everything hurts and that he will die sooner if he has to any math. No longer sure that ending everyone’s suffering now would be a bad thing. The pediatrician won’t see him because “he’s sick, and we don’t want sick people in the office.” The cats are desperately trying to bathe him because he hasn’t showered since last week, and he’s wearing the same clothes he put on Saturday morning and all of our eyes, except his, are bleeding from the stench. Please send the Hostage Rescue Team along with truant officers and plan to set up one of those decontamination showers outside before you bring him to school so he can be deloused. Also, still waiting for the Starbuck’s.