This is not the life I planned. I'm not sure where the one where I had a handsome, devoted husband who earned tons of money, and two perfect adorable children who required no actual attention, and lots of time to attend charity luncheons and organize fundraisers went, but this is the one I've got. A husband who's been missing in action for over a decade, an adorable tween son who is too smart for my own good, two cats who are competing for world domination and a career that is, at best, quixotic. I'm ready to share it all, because I am the Kraken.

I don’t even remember pushing the button to move the cart forward or turning the wheel, but the crash echoed through the building and all conversation stopped for a moment while people tried to figure out what had just happened and if the world was ending because our newly elected president had gotten into a Twitter battle with Kanye and Rihanna about the Golden Globes and accidentally nuked the east coast instead of the west. It seemed somehow sadly fitting that I destroyed a display of beauty products given my lack of concern for own beauty that morning.

“I want to be Santa now. I want to be Santa for a kid who doesn’t think he’s getting anything,” he said. “Can I be Santa for someone this year? I don’t want one other thing than this. I’m the luckiest kid in the world. I want to give everything else to other kids so they have Santa, too.” And that’s how the child went from believing in Santa to becoming Santa.

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