Hermit Crab Diaries, Episode 317
10.25 (upset): I can’t handle the stress anymore. They are disgusting. They need to go. Put them on Facebook or Craigslist or something. Just get rid of them.
Me: <watching almost last episode of Season 3 of The 100> What are you talking about?
10.25: The hermit crabs. Get rid of them. I can’t keep worrying if they’re dead or eating each other. They smell. They make THAT NOISE.
Me: <internal debate about teaching responsibility v. carpe diem and getting rid of Cheeseburger and Fries>
10.25: Are you listening? Cheeseburger is GONE!!!!! Doooo something!!!!!
Me: <spends 10 minutes carefully digging in sandy soil looking for Cheeseburger, who is cozily buried under his swimming pool>
10.25: Is he dead? Oh God. He’s dead. I knew it. I knew it. <tears start>
Cheeseburger: <extends claw aimlessly>
Me:. Not dead. Still moving.
10.25: See? I’m too young for this kind of life and death responsibility. I can’t do it anymore. I want them out of here!!!!
Me: <remembers papers about “Family Life” unit – aka Sex Ed – from district, signs them and puts in backpack>