All I want for Christmas is a taxidermied guinea pig hair comb (note crazy red eyes), so I don’t have to glare at the merry, merry masses. My hair could do it for me. So far I’ve been gifted 2 poinsettias, a big gold ring and a gift card to a place I am sure doesn’t sell them. Why does Santa never listen to me? How can I not own some rodent taxidermy?