My boss and co-workers are meeting with our clients this week, and being the team player I always am, I declined to travel and offered to “man the fort” (read hold down my sofa) for them while they were away.
Text from boss: “I wish you were here in this hotel room with me to <insert graphic imagery ala “Fifty Shades of Grey here>”.
Me (after due consideration given to throwing phone in garbage disposal): “I am not your boyfriend.”
Boss: “Oh, right. I have taken so much oxycontin today to zone out of these meetings I forgot.”
An hour passes.
Boss: “Are you there?”
Me: “Yeah, I was just searching for the number for HR.”
Boss: “When you find it, ask them why I haven’t gotten my tax forms yet for me?”
True story. Sigh. I really need some Girl Scout cookies. And Nyquil.